When my 4th child was born my first born was 5 (almost 6). I had four boys and days after my 4th's birth we found out we were moving again, which made 9 times in the 7 years of marriage. When we moved one of our sons was very very sick and had been for quite some time. We were a wreck. And we questioned. Big time. And cried. A lot. And we were so close to deciding to prevent. But then we just gave up our will and begged God to have mercy.
Now my youngest is almost 2. And this year we've had 3, maybe 4, babies die and go to heaven. At first we were so tempted to give in to guilt and feel like God was punishing us for doubting and struggling. But now, in our repentance, we give thanks to God for His tender love that He blessed us with so many children this year, while at the same time giving thanks that the Lord is working all things together for His glory.
We have the rest we so desperately wanted, even though now we so often with tears wish we didn't have it. But God's will was for us to have it, even amidst sorrow and grief, and we are so thankful for His love.
Your Lord loves you with an everlasting love, He knows the hairs on your head, and He will surely, surely provide all that you need to support this body and life. Cry out to Him and He will never leave you alone. The one who has your hairs numbered will certainly never accidentally form a baby in your womb. Christ keep you dear sisters.
