"Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the great waters; they saw the deeds of the Lord, His wondrous works in the deep. For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths; their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men and were at their wits' end. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven." Psalm 107:23-30

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A new day

Today was a new day.

I had a really bizarre nightmare last night in which I was living a very different life. I was single and childless and exploring foreign countries. In my exploration I came upon a monster of a man who was committing some terrible crimes and once I discovered it I tried to flee to the authorities. He realized that I was on to him and tried to gun me down. I woke up just as I was shot. lol, I guess I'm still having crazy Mama dreams even if I'm not pregnant anymore. Anyways I woke up in a panic SOO thankful I was were I was and was who I was.

And just like that losing Anastasia still seemed very sad but I felt so very thankful for my life I'm living. Anastasia is happier than I ever could have made her and I must continue with what the Lord has graciously allowed me to have.

So today I put away all the stuff I had needed for birth related stuff, cleaned up my room really well, and put in a full day of kids, lessons, and the cleaning I could get done. I'm still having after birth pains which also always strangely includes spasms in my mid/lower back (I have a chiro apt on Friday.) so I'm not 100% able to do some of the harder chores like scrubbing my kitchen floor which desperately needs to be done. Thank the Lord tomorrow a woman from our church is coming to help me all morning. Hopefully with her help I can dig myself out from Mt. laundry and get the house vacuumed and mopped.

I'm so thankful for new days, for fresh starts, for hope and healing and all my sweet friends, all of you, who have blessed me with cards, the sweet nest necklace with two eggs in it for my two babies in heaven (I put it on this morning as I packed up the last of the birth stuff...a little thing to hang on to as I move forward.), the beautiful icon of Ruth and Naomi, the massive bucket of popcorn that has fed my kids for a week ;), the sweet mini blanket with cross in it that is being made for Anastasia's burial, and all the many prayers, phone calls, texts, and encouragement/comments left here. I am so thankful for all of you and I will try to get out cards in the next week to let you all know properly.

Now if only it were spring and I could go for a walk on the beach or in a field of flowers. :) Easter is coming!


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