“As I looked,
thrones were placed,
and the Ancient of Days took his seat;
his clothing was white as snow,
and the hair of his head like pure wool;
his throne was fiery flames;
its wheels were burning fire.
A stream of fire issued
and came out from before him;
a thousand thousands served him,
and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him;
the court sat in judgment,
and the books were opened.
“I looked then because of the sound of the great words that the horn was speaking. And as I looked, the beast was killed, and its body destroyed and given over to be burned with fire. As for the rest of the beasts, their dominion was taken away, but their lives were prolonged for a season and a time.
“I saw in the night visions,
and behold, with the clouds of heaven
there came one like a son of man,
and he came to the Ancient of Days
and was presented before him.
And to him was given dominion
and glory and a kingdom,
that all peoples, nations, and languages
should serve him;
his dominion is an everlasting dominion,
which shall not pass away,
and his kingdom one
that shall not be destroyed.
(Daniel 7:9-14 ESV)

I don't remember the walk to the door. Suddenly I was just standing in the house being bombarded by my children. My babbling 15 mo old toddled to me speaking his own language very obviously admonishing me for leaving him on such short notice. My 4 year old was talking so quickly I could hardly understand the tale he was telling me. My 3 year old, sensing it was story telling time also raised his voice to give the last hour's reports. My 7 year old also gave a short report but then waited, eyeing me curiously.

I waited for the other children to grow quiet and then looked at my 7 yr old first as I took a deep breath and said, very calmly and confidently so that they would believe Mommy to be in control and OK, "Boys, we found out today that our baby has died. Our baby has gone home to be with Jesus in heaven. "

"What? Really? ohhhh..." My 7 year old gave his response in kind of a long drawn out way. His sadness was very evident but he didn't lose it either. All of the children began asking questions, each according to their developmental abilities. I patiently answered them to the best of my ability but grew very tired as the little ones continued on, asking stranger and stranger questions. Thankfully they were easily distracted once I felt I had shown them adequate attention and time to share their feelings.

But it was about an hour later, as I found a quiet dimly lit corner of the kitchen to read Scripture and pray, that my 7 yr old found me.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Mommy, when you left to go to the hospital today I was scared. I started to pray that our baby would be OK, healthy and strong. But then...but then I changed my prayer."

"Yea, bud? What to?"

"I prayed that God would do what was best. Because God loves us and is good. I'm sorry you're sad Mommy. I'm sad too." His eyes filled with tears. "I'm sad but I know it will be OK." He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed.

I couldn't answer but I kissed his forehead and then told him I loved him.