There are many things God has used motherhood for in which to continue pointing me to my sin so that I repent, see my need for Him, and live in repentance and forgiveness and grace.
He has (and continues to!) stripped selfishness over how I use my time, how I eat, how I play, how I rest, how I feel fulfilled, how I exercise, and the list could go on.
Lately, since the birth of my 4th, it's been how I feel about my looks and who really has possession of my body....er, God's body, that is, God's creation made for HIS purposes.
I am getting very soft around the middle. This is devastating for me. My two big sisters are taller and thinner. I'm short but I've always been thin to very thin. This has always been non negotiable for me.
My pre pregancy weight as I got pregnant with #'s 2, 3, and 4 was 10 lbs lighter than my weight when I graduated high school! I had a lot more muscle when I graduated high school from years of cross country, swimming, and track. Nursing made me very thin and without the muscle from so much exercise I weighed a lot less.
Not so this time. It's like someone turned back the clock on my metabolism and just as I near leaving the youth of my twenties my body agrees it's time to act like it.
It took forever to see the weight come off this last time. And strangely, when I did get down to the higher side of my pre pregnancy weights (4 lbs heavier than with 2,3, and 4) it stayed there for a day or two and then sat stubbornly 3-5 lbs higher. I tried everything and I'm not used to having to try. But it wouldn't come off. I finally decided it would come off when I weaned. But I never wean before I get pregnant again so here I am 10 lbs heavier at 11 wks than I wanted to start and I'm feeling moody about it.
God's creation, His body, made for HIS purposes. So I guess I throw off any preconceived, worldly notions of what size is or should be and instead do my best to eat whole, un-messed around with foods, exercise well and in moderation, move a lot, and try and rest well.
Never has all of the faces of motherhood been so wonderfully captured.
1. I had a friend that was not married that gained a bunch of weight right around the time she turned 30 even with exercising and watching what she ate. It made me feel better that my first pregnancy was around the time of when I would normally have that age 30 weight gain. As I get closer to 40, I'll let you know that pregnancy or not, 30's weight should not be compared to 20's weight.
ReplyDelete2. When I was pregnant with my last son I only gained 10 lbs the entire pregnancy. That is not fun even though it turned out that he was healthy and 6 1/2 lbs.
3. I would recommend giving away your scale until all your children are weaned. You will go to the doctor often enough during pregnancy and checkups to find out how much you weigh. If you don't have a scale in your house you can't worry about weight.
4. From now until weaning is the time to concentrate on helping the baby grow. Don't worry about weight until you wean. And if you continue the pattern of getting pregnant before weaning, then the point of worrying about weight is several years away!
I am going to heartily second Ewe's #3. Awhile back, I finally took the advice of Gauntlets and Rebekah (you know as well as I how very wise they are) and Just.Stopped.With.The.Scale. I only wish I'd done it sooner. The only weight checks I had during my last pregnancy were at the dr's office, and I haven't been weighed since the day I gave birth to my baby 7 months ago (if you're not pregnant, and have no other weight-related concerns, it's perfectly OK to decline to step on the scale at the doctor's office; I've done so several times now), and my mental health is SOOOOOO much improved. My husband is happier with this arrangement for me too ;P
ReplyDeletesigh. you two almost have me convinced. I obviously can't control my weight anyways. I'll reread these comments a few times and think on it. Rebekah has given me the slap on the back a few times to stop but I haven't. My last midwife told me I could only gain 1/2 lb a week due to previous birth injuries. Weighing myself every week to make sure was hard, esp when I would gain two lbs in one week despite eating low carb and working out like mad. But it all worked out OK. I think I'll have to continue to weigh during pregnancy to again monitor (I had gained 22lbs by 20 weeks!!! :-O I swear I wasn't pigging out.) and make sure I keep my weight gain down, but after that, sigh, it might be a good idea to say so long to the scale.
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend, I hear this song you're singing, and I understand it.
ReplyDeleteGet rid of the scale. Get rid of all full-length mirrors. Get rid of any clothes that don't fit the way they used to, regardless of what you weigh, regardless of how pregnant you are or aren't. Bid a fond but final farewell to the ability to eat a super-sized vat of french fries without gaining an ounce, but embrace whole-heartedly, as often as you can, the mindset that it is goo to be soft and feminine and womanly. Because once a female approaches 30, she loses her girlish edge and becomes (whether she likes it or not) a woman. And thus she looks like a woman. Especially if she is doing womanly things. We are what our bodies do.
And as far as the east is from the west, get rid of that friggin' scale.
*good. Goo, too, really, but also good.
ReplyDelete