"Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the great waters; they saw the deeds of the Lord, His wondrous works in the deep. For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths; their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men and were at their wits' end. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven." Psalm 107:23-30

Monday, February 11, 2013

the darkness deepens

The thing about miscarriage is that there is no grace in it. None.*

There is no baptism.

There are no memories.

There were no cuddles, no hugs, no first steps, no gurgles and coos, no first breath.

There is no proof of my love for this baby.

And let me ask you this, if one of our kids dropped dead last Friday, do you think my husband would be expected to be at work or meetings this week? But come on, it's not like this kid was that big of a deal. It's not like you even knew it.

My sin killed my baby. "In sin did my mother conceive me."

If I were not sin, my baby would not have died.

And even my baptism cannot save him or her.

My faith cannot save him or her.

Only Christ. And He has.

But me, I get to look down every moment of every day while I am this baby's tomb and see the effects of my sin.

I was not excited enough about this baby. I did not pray enough for this baby. I sometimes thought I was blessed with this baby because I deserved him or her. I was proud.

I have gotten what my sin deserves. Though I know even this could not cover even a micro piece of my sin, nor any piece at all. Only Christ. And He has.

sinner and saint

death and life

but this life is not life at all, it's death and it always will be. Until it's destroyed forever and true life starts.

Come soon Jesus.

*see title to next post up
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2 comments:

  1. Untamed ShrewFebruary 11, 2013 at 5:58 PM

    http://www.concordiansisters.blogspot.com/2012/03/fallen.html

    Mel,

    Of all the literature on miscarriage I've ever read, this is the one that gave me the most comfort. And strangely enough, the author has never miscarried, to my knowledge.

    Together you fell (half of that baby was your husband's flesh), and together you will rise. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

    Prayers ascend for your recovery.


    ReplyDelete
  2. GCFebruary 13, 2013 at 6:25 AM

    I am reminded of parts of Lamentations 3.
    32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
    so great is his unfailing love.
    33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
    or grief to anyone.
    Let us lift up our hearts and our hands
    to God in heaven, and say:
    42 “We have sinned and rebelled
    My eyes will flow unceasingly,
    without relief,
    50 until the Lord looks down
    from heaven and sees.
    I called on your name, Lord,
    from the depths of the pit.
    56 You heard my plea: “Do not close your ears
    to my cry for relief.”
    57 You came near when I called you,
    and you said, “Do not fear.”

    58 You, Lord, took up my case;
    you redeemed my life.

    ReplyDelete

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