I find myself grasping for control of things that are at least easier to pretend I have control of to make up for the thing I could not control, or at least to distract myself from it.

I miss my baby. So much. I even miss being sick for her.

I'm so thankful for my husband. I have the strongest, most compassionate, most understanding husband in the whole world.

One weekend in college my husband invited me to go skiing with his home congregation's youth group. He was a volunteer leader of the group and they needed him to help lead devotions and chaperone. I was told I could room with the female DCE and help with the girls. I agreed.

When we arrived we went straight to the slopes. I had not been skiing since I was 6. Even though we weren't officially seeing each other, he walked me through the check in process step by step making sure I knew what I was doing and was taken care of.

After a morning of bunny slopes I was finally ready for some bigger hills. My husband found me and invited me to join him. We spent the entire afternoon skiing larger and larger hills. We had so much fun. He always skied beside or behind me to make sure I was safe. Finally, towards the end of the day, we rode a lift to the top of the "mountain" (it was smaller skiing...not really classifiable as a mountain :) and my husband was going to go down one side that was a black while I went down the green...or whichever is below black. His entrance was first and he said he would watch me go down first on my side. I said, trying to show I was fine and he didn't have to be so nice, "No, go ahead, seriously, I'm fine." I skied off confidently towards my hill. I looked back to see him heading to his so I got ready and went. Everything was going great at first. But then I saw a steeper swerve off to the right that would get me to the bottom of his part of the hill faster and decided to brave it. I don't even remember what happened but the next thing I knew I was on my back going head first down the hill much faster than I thought possible. When I stopped I didn't move trying to make sure I was still alive and then as I tried to sit up I realized one of my skis was gone and I was only half way down the hill. Suddenly a hand was reaching down to help me up with an extra ski in his other hand. I couldn't believe he had waited for me to start and then skied over to make sure I was OK. And that is when I knew I would marry him.

He's still like that today. He's proud of my strengths and abilities and traits, but he also knows it is his job to be Christ to me, to love me, protect me, provide for me, and lead and guide me in the faith. And honestly, I never knew it was possible to have such a representation in this life of the love of the Lord.