Why I don't like going to church.

There are many great things about being a confessional Lutheran. One of them is that I can say I do not like going to church. I can say this in a group of confessional Lutheran moms and they will nod their agreement and give me a hug. What? Have we gone mad? Who admits to NOT LIKING church?! Who says that out loud that isn't a hater of God?

I do.

Here is what makes Lutheranism, confessional Lutheranism different from any other denomination in the world:

Jesus Christ came into the world to redeem sinners, of whom I am the worst, and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing. Let me say that one more time: THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. No, seriously, NOTHING.

Happy sigh. (It's so nice to get that out in the open.)

Jesus IS. He WAS. HE WILL BE FOREVER AND EVER.

So what is church like for a confessional Lutheran? Church starts with death. When our pastors come into the front of the church via the side door they immediately leave the chancel (altar area) and go down through the communion rail into the nave where the congregation members sit. This gives us a visual of Old Testament times when no one but the priest offering the sacrifice could go into the Holy of Holies. Why couldn't anyone go? Because an acceptable sacrifice for the sins of the world had not yet been given. God's presence caused death and wrath for us fallen wicked creatures. So the pastors join us in our state of being dead in our trespasses and sins and lead us in confession of sins.

We confess that we are by nature sinful and unclean. We have sinned in thought, word, and deed: by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved God with our whole hearts. We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We justly deserve God's present and eternal punishment. We beg God for the sake of His Son, Jesus Christ, to have mercy on us, to forgive us, renew us, and lead us so that we may delight in His will and walk in His ways to the glory of His Holy Name.

Church starts with death. It starts with deep inner groanings that we are not enough, that we can never be enough, and that we will surely die unless God saves us. It has to start this way, because if it does not, we are left in the law, damned.

And then the Pastors, in the stead and by the command of our Lord Jesus Christ, pronounce God's forgiveness "I forgive you all your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen!"

And then, forgiven, we have the Word of God pounded into our flesh. The entire service is a beautiful flow between the pastors and the congregation members of God's Word, spoken and sung, back and forth, back and forth. The entire service is printed out, word for word, in our hymnals with the chapters and verses from where every single word comes from in the Scriptures. The service has to be this way, because it is only God's Word that gives life, and only God's Word that is capable of producing in us the fruits of the Spirit.

 With the use of such ancient instruments as the organ, strings, etc, we set a tone of reverence and separation from the world and it's contemporary pop music, clinging to something that does not delight the flesh but instead speaks God's Word into our sin-sick souls.

It is not fun. It is not enjoyable. It is not glorifying of me or my flesh. It does not build up my self esteem or make me feel pretty. Instead it disciplines me, drowns me, indwells me with Christ and once my ears have been filled with His living and active Word, He takes it further and gives me His very Self, into the doorposts of my mouth. Where once men had to sacrifice lambs to mark their doorposts from death in the passover, God now marks me as His with HIS very blood offered in His sacrifice on the cross. He fills me with His Sacrifice, so that I become one with Him in His death AND HIS RESURRECTION.

Most Sundays when I leave church I am exhausted. I usually can't make it through church without crying these days. They aren't happy emotional tears, they are tears that beg and plead, "Come soon Lord! Please come soon!"

I don't like church because it does not make me feel happy or beautiful or glorified. It does not make me feel like I can earn my salvation, God's love, or that church is somehow about me and how great I am because I wave my arms and sing happy songs to God. NO. Instead church makes me want to lie prostrate on the ground and die, because that is all that is left when I see who God is, and who I am...death.

But....

See: He Comes, righteous and having Salvation. And though we sit confused and grieving, He comes, He takes us as His own, into His arms, into His embrace, into His loving adoration and we have Life.

Lord Thee I love with all my heart,
I pray thee ne'er from me depart,
With tender mercy cheer me.
Earth has no pleasure I would share,
Yea, heaven itself were void and bare if Thou Lord wert not near me.
And should my heart for sorrow break, my trust in Thee can nothing shake, Thou art the Portion I have sought, Thy precious blood my soul has bought.
Lord, Jesus Christ, my God and Lord, my God and Lord, forsake me not! I trust Thy Word.

Lord Thee I love with All my Heart: Martin Schalling. 1532-1608