My husband and I are choosing to raise our children in a very different fashion than we ourselves were raised. Both of us were public school all the way through to high school graduation, put in all sorts of sports and extracurricular activities as early as pre-K, attended sleepovers and birthday parties without our parents from young ages, and allowed to watch plenty of TV and movies in family down time. Of course at the time I thought my parents were "strict". And they were compared to other parents. I remember being annoyed that before I could sleep over at someone's house my parents had to meet the friend's parents. I myself shudder at the thought of doing this with my own children. On the one hand I think, well, I made it through all of this without falling away, rebelling, or going crazy...I mean, isn't what's important is a child being a light to the world, a city on a hill? Give 'em a good home life then watch 'em shine to all around?
Except when that doesn't happen. Because all around me I watched those I love fall away, rebel, and be brainwashed into the ways of the world. And that begs the question: who ever said that children are supposed to be sent out among the world all alone for 8 plus hours a day to be that "light"?
I cannot control the faith of my children, that is up to the Holy Spirit, but I am willing to lay down my life to do everything I can to train them up in the way they should go. It is not just for them, it is my duty, my vocation, and the work God has given me to do. Scripture tells us that in the end it will be as in the days of Noah, when there were 8 righteous people. That is so sobering for Christian parents.
So our children's lives look very different. We home school, our children are not allowed to go to birthday parties unless they are adult/family included parties, they are not allowed to participate in sports teams or extracurriculars at this point, and TV and movies are very strictly monitored.
Our children will not have cell phones until they are driving, we have told them they are not allowed to have a girl friend until they are ready to pursue marriage, and they are not allowed to play with the neighbor boys who live behind us because the children are disrespectful and naughty.
Sometimes I look at all of our decisions and I shudder a little...are we making a huge mistake? This is so different from the mainstream way I was brought up.
Our almost 9 year old is of the age now where he is very closely watching my husband and me and all of our parenting decisions. He questions us constantly, comparing us with what little he has observed in the world (which is still plenty), and he isn't afraid to ask hard questions of us. It terrifies me while also making me so proud because WE, my husband and I, are who he asks these questions of: not his friends, not any teachers: us. And we, in turn, answer from Scripture. He knows that is the ultimate authority.
But one of the main hardships of this very close life is how easy it is to begin to feel dragged down by the weight of responsibility. It's easy to become pietistic rather than simply trying to live piously. One is pietistic when their salvation and the salvation of their children is based in works they try of their own accord to perform in order to be seen as holy and to think it will protect them from the devil and falling away. To those who cling to pietism, faith is something they must work out, something they must attain of their own devotion. One is pious when they know their salvation is a free gift given by the Holy Spirit and all good works flow from Him alone and are for the purpose of serving others in humility and love. And we know He will grant it because God desires that all should be saved. And so we pray, "Lord, we believe, help us with our unbelief."
And so I struggle. But my children see me struggle. Yesterday I got really angry at my oldest, I lost my cool and began yelling at him and then generally just yelling at all the children. I had to ask their forgiveness but used it as an opportunity to explain to them that while mommy is sorry, and I'm going to try very hard to not yell again, I will fail. I will always fail because I am a sinner. I will always fail in many ways. But I promise to always forgive them when they fail as well. And I am only able to do this because Jesus first forgave me, us. One by one my children forgave me and we tried to move on and change the tone of the home by doing something pleasant together.
This parenting thing, it's not glamorous. Kids have a way of acting like the mirror function of the law, but there's nowhere more painful to see your own sin than in your beloved children. And so I pray, when I do, that the Lord would help me turn to Him rather than in on myself and my children.
Lord preserve us.
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