What would you do if you knew you had one more night with one of your children? I shudder to think of that thought for one of my children. It makes me want to run upstairs to where they are chattering in their bedroom as they prepare to go to sleep and grab them all to me. To sing to them, play with them, tickle them, read to them, etc etc etc.
But I think that is exactly where I am tonight...but with one I've never had the chance to do any of the above and never will...on earth anyways.
My body is preparing to let my unborn baby's body go. It has begun but before it even has really begun the pain is already far worse than I imagined. The pain today was much worse than any pains I've experienced month to month between pregnancies and yet nothing even came from the pain.
I don't know if I really have just one more night holding my baby's body or if it will be several nights, but I do know this morning I prepared my children to go to early service when we normally go to late. When my oldest asked why I blurted out, without even meaning to (for I was still praying for a miracle), "I want this baby to be bathed one more time in the blood of Christ." It was shortly after drinking the very blood of Christ that the pain started.
Hug your children and your pregnant bellies a little closer tonight...because in the next house over might sit a mother grieving the loss of her child, born or unborn, or the child that has never been.
Lord have mercy.
Mel, you are not alone. Your pain, your grief, is unique, but please know that there are moms out here who pray for you deeply because it doesn't take more than a mention to remember the grief that was theirs, that still is theirs. I read 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 today and thought of you. Love you.
ReplyDeleteThanks L. I know. And all week I've had you, Gauntlets, and so many others in my prayers and on my heart...grieving yours as I grieve my own. Thank you so much for your love and prayers!
ReplyDelete