"Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the great waters; they saw the deeds of the Lord, His wondrous works in the deep. For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths; their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men and were at their wits' end. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven." Psalm 107:23-30
4 years ago, and only a couple dozen miles from you, my womb was also a tomb. I vividly remember praying as I took my two toddlers to church on Christmas day that I would not deliver my dead son while we were there. I remember being jealous of Mary holding her healthy baby boy, then I thought of her holding Him grown but as dead as the baby in my womb. I also remember going to the rail to feast on our Lord, His body now living, and knowing that my son was there. His dead body inside me and his living soul communing with me at the feast.
ReplyDeleteI deeply regret that I didn't request his body when we finally resorted to a D&C, I know they would have probably told me it was impossible (he was only 9 weeks) but I wish I had asked. But even though he was burned along with the medical waste I know God will still raise my son's body, and I will hold him in my arms for the first time on the last day.
I want you to also know that through grieving, prayer, God's Word, and lots of work with an awesome therapist the death of my son in my womb is no longer a gaping wound in my memory. While I did weep while I wrote these words, I can honestly say I have been healed and made whole. There is hope my friend. But now is the time for grieving, and holding fast to the Lord lest mourning turns you to despair.
I pray the Lord gives you His strength, and His peace.
Megan Davis
Megan, I thought of your comment about the dead body inside of me while I was joined with his or her living soul at the feast while I approached the rail today. Thank you for sharing this with me...it really is like having one foot in heaven and one on earth. Come Soon Lord Jesus!
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