"Some went down to the sea in ships, doing business on the great waters; they saw the deeds of the Lord, His wondrous works in the deep. For he commanded and raised the stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. They mounted up to heaven; they went down to the depths; their courage melted away in their evil plight;
they reeled and staggered like drunken men and were at their wits' end. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven." Psalm 107:23-30

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

My Genesis

Dear Genesis Hope,

Today one of my OB's nurses called while I was on the phone with your grandma to let me know that you are growing beautifully. At this point I needed to have an hcg count of at least 5300 and instead it was 6,586. My progesterone was holding steady at 39. Up until today I have not even considered that you might actually stay. When I thought about you staying it was as if I wasn't even really pregnant and was pretending that I might have a baby.

Yesterday I watched a video that showed a baby conception through birth. I saw right where you are right now, tiny little tadpole like baby with a beating heart. I pray my blood flow is strong enough and healthy enough to give you every good thing that you need to grow. I've even started giving up sugar and grains and eating lots of good protein/fat and salads.

I think about the day I might let my lips kiss your sweet soft furry forehead and the day I will pull you up to my chest after giving birth.

I don't know if that will really happen but every morning I thank God for another night with you and every night I thank God for another day. I don't know if you will really be mine to raise but today you are and so I will eat for you, pray for you, read God's word to you, and rest for you. We love you sweet Genesis and I pray you have every good thing that you need this day and that you are warm and happy tucked down inside of me.

Christ keep you sweet baby.
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