Food, Facebook, and Family

Recently I was listening to THIS. Actually, I have listened to it more than once. And one of the things that has stayed with me the most from this talk was something Pr. Weedon said in the second video, about 5 minutes and 30 seconds in.  He says the process of theosis (divinization) is about God taking things away from you. It's not about your own "upward" progress as a Christian, but it is about God's taking things away from you one by one by one and in that taking away, causing you to realize that HE is enough. And then, lastly, He takes away your breath. But even then, He is enough.

Isn't that beautiful?!? Seriously, that is the most beautiful confession of the true Christian faith I have ever heard in my entire life. I want it painted around the top of my family's living room where I have to read it every single day.

Hearing Pastor Weedon's confession was like a slap in the face to several of my false gods that we all have and led me to repent of some of my unconfessed sins/temptations that I did not realize I had. It also allowed me to have peace in some areas of my life that have haunted me.

The first area is food. A friend of mine that finally became a face to face friend when I met her this week, after years of having mutual friends and being friends online, introduced me to a new term this week called orthorexia nervosa. Orthorexia is an eating disorder characterized by an unhealthy preoccupation with food that one perceives to be "unhealthy"......

Um...can we say 99.9% of American culture?

Americans ARE OBSESSED with food. Don't believe me? Head to any of the news websites or take a walk to the check out counter. How many articles will you find with all sorts of self proclaimed experts telling you what is truly "healthy" for you and what is not? And, after 9 years of thinking that in order to be a good mom and wife I had to figure out exactly how to be perfect with food I. AM. DONE.

Do you want to know the biggest most dangerous reason we, as Christians, need to let go of this food obsession once and for all?

The devil has us right where he wants us. He wants to disguise sin's effects on our sinful flesh and our need for Christ and have us call it something other than sin. How does he do this? By making you think your aunt has cancer because she didn't eat an all organic diet free from all gmo's. By making you think your baby has eczema because you didn't follow a paleo diet while pregnant/nursing. By making you think your sister is obese because she eats wheat.

Do you know why we have cancer, eczema, obesity and every other human flesh failure? BECAUSE. WE. ARE. FALLEN.  That's it. We are fallen. We are infected with sin. We cannot save ourselves. Friends, you can go ahead and try. You can sprout your grains, soak them, sing to them. You can buy all non-gmo, all organic, heck grow all your own everything. You can take fermented cod liver oil with butter oil, drink all fresh spring water in stainless steel or glass water bottles, and refuse all sugar, grains, and legumes. WHATEVER. But I'm so sorry to tell you, it won't heal you. You will still get sick. you may even get cancer, or eczema, or even still struggle with obesity. You might still feel fatigued, still struggle with insomnia, or still have acne. Yes, God gives us wisdom to make choices that could make a difference in our health temporarily and help ease certain ailments. This is wonderful! But...

The devil delights in his distraction tactic. He wants us to call sin something else, to take control of as many areas of our lives as we can and say, "oh, this isn't a spiritual thing, this has nothing to do with church and God, this is a physical thing, something I CAN CONTROL (WHOOOPPEEEEE!!!!!!)" And suddenly we do our devotions hurriedly in the morning, grouching the whole way through in our heart, because of the stress of wondering how we will be perfect enough to cure our son or self or sister today. And eventually where is our need for Christ?

Enough. It is enough. Look to Christ. Feed your family what you have and what you are able and let it go. Stop reading articles, stop listening to the panic, refuse to make food your god.  Food will not heal you, save you, nor add one day to your life. Honor the body God gave you by not pouring things into it in gluttony as God's Word tells us is wicked, but do not grant God's healing powers nor His salvific work to your food.

The next area Weedon's quote convicted me was facebook. The food issue leads into the facebook issue in the way that having SO MUCH input into my life on a daily basis was not only overwhelmingly distracting from my own family and vocation making me see so many things I didn't need to be adding to my day, but, it also, I have realized, really really hurts the relationships in my life. I am afraid to see what relationships will be like for the world in 10-20 years. And I wonder how many of our grown up youth will be depressed, on drugs, or who knows what because their relationships are reduced to a glowing screen that does not hug them, talk to them, or love them. Mothers, sisters, brothers, friends, you can't trade a "like" for love. For real relationships. For life. We are all going to be reduced to hermits living with our glowing screens and not experiencing the world and complexity of true human interaction if we don't wake up. I decided this time to not delete my account completely like I did October of last year for 8 months because like it or not, most email and several event notifications happen through facebook. I have pregnant friends that will post the first announcement of a birth with a picture on facebook. And I want to be able to call or send a card to rejoice with them when word gets out. But I will no longer be posting my own updates unless it is something like a birth announcement. If I have the urge to post something, a picture, a funny happening, a thought, I'm going to either share it with my immediately family/friends around me that day or I will call some friend or family member far away to share it with them. Because that is how we actually deepen our relationships. That is how we show we care. That is how we show real human decency instead of turning into a bunch of robots.

And, like the food issue, the facebook issue feeds right into the family issue. As I have mentioned before, I grew up in a home broken several times over. When I was being raised in public school where many friends had divorced parents, it didn't seem like a big deal to me. My church didn't make a big deal out of it either. And I remember thinking, what's the big deal, I have two Christmases! Two birthdays! Two houses I can switch between if one is annoying me! ....

It is a big deal. It is only now that I'm an adult with a whole home and a Godly marriage that I have been able to grapple with the brokenness I grew up with and my parents and step parents went through. It breaks my heart for them and for me and my siblings. It has also bothered me more and more as I have had so many friendships deepen with so many amazing Pastor's wife friends who come from amazing Christian families. Are we all sinners? Of course, but there's a difference between sinners that live out their entire lives in fear and love of God in a church that takes very seriously how Christian parents will raise their children (and parents who take that seriously enough to vow it to death), confronting them with God's Word and private confession/absolution when they err, and sinners that live out their lives breaking themselves away from God, divorcing their homes and their children from a Godly life by their choices, and calling it OK because "xyz".

I am not seeking to place blame here. In all of these ponderings, I am so very grateful for the way God has kept me. My mom and dad faithfully brought me to the font of Holy Baptism at less than two weeks old and saw to it, along with my step mom, that I was raised faithfully in the church. But as I grappled with anger and confusion over the continuing deterioration of my family as my Dad died and all of my siblings left for other Christian denominations or left the church at times, I struggled to not be one of those people that grows up to become angry and rebellious about their upbringing and despairing over how I would see to it that my own family was raised in a God pleasing way when I had so little left on the home front. I want to honor my family and be grateful to God for the way He provided. And I am. But the answer was found in Weedon's quote and the realizations about food and facebook. First, we have to call things what they are, be honest about the sin we experienced, forgive as we have been forgiven, and where there is unrepentance in others, use it as an opportunity to pray for them and continue to live in repentance ourselves. Second, to seek out my true vocation in my life NOW, not what it used to be, not what I wish it was, but what it is now, and to make the most I can out of the relationships God has actually given me to nurture NOW.

"God has assuredly promised His grace to the humble (1Peter 5:5), that is, to those who lament and despair of themselves. But no man can be thoroughly humbled until he knows that his salvation is utterly beyond his own powers, devices, endeavors, will, and works, and depends entirely on the choice, will, and work of another, namely, of God alone. For as long as he is persuaded that he himself can do even the least thing toward his salvation, he retains some self-confidence and does not altogether despair of himself, and therefore he is not humbled before God, but presumes that there is-or at least hopes or desires that there may be- some place, time, and work for him, by which he may at length attain to salvation. But when a man has no doubt that everything depends on the will of God, then he completely despairs of himself and chooses nothing for himself, but waits for God to work; then he has come close to grace, and can be saved." -Martin Luther

1. Soul, adorn thyself with gladness,
Leave behind all gloom and sadness;
Come into the daylight's splendor,
There with joy thy praises render
Unto Him whose grace unbounded
Hath this woundrous supper founded.
High o'er all the heavens He reigneth,
Yet to dwell with thee He deigneth.

2. Hasten as a bride to meet Him
And with loving reverence greet Him;
For with words of life immortal
Now He knocketh at thy portal.
Haste to open the gates before Him,
Saying, while thou dost adore Him,
Suffer, Lord, that I receive Thee,
And I nevermore will leave Thee.   -LSB 635

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for giving us your very self through the doorposts of our mouths that through your precious Body and Blood we may be strengthened in our faith to remain faithful unto death.

Unschooling

Nomenclature is a powerful thing. One word can conjure up all sorts of images, positive or negative, in someone's mind. People will avoid or cringe at the use of certain words based on their experience, impression, or the reputation associated with using them.

For a long time the word "unschooling" made me cringe. I saw strange loner kids running comic book shops in my mind when I heard the word. Now, however, in the last several months I have learned to love the word. But, not for my children. I love the word for MYSELF. To explain I'll share this article:

http://thelibertarianhomeschooler.com/a/  Go read it. I'll wait.


Seriously, read it people. It's short, I promise. And, really worth it.


Done?

That article was me. In my class of over 600 students I graduated 7th. I rocked the school thing. I was a "GOOD STUDENT". But was I really? Was I really a dedicated learner? To be fair there were a fair number of subjects that really interested me that I could probably still tell you quite a bit of information concerning the things I learned. But, my grades do not reflect the classes in which this was true. Because, if they did, I would be able to tell you about every subject with great accuracy.

It makes me sad that the only thing I really learned to do well is please people by following the rules, being likable and submissive, and doing what was expected of me.

I did not learn to love learning. I did not learn to think independently. I did not learn to ask questions, to question, to be critical, to refuse, and to truly understand my rights and lack thereof.

I looked up the definition of the prefix "un" and this is what I found:

un- 1 pref. 1. Not: unhappy. 2. Opposite of; contrary to: unrest. un- 2 pref. 1. To reverse or undo the result of a specified action: unbind. 2. a. To deprive of or remove a specified thing: unfrock. b. To release, free, or remove from: unyoke. 3. Used as an intensive: unloose. Using the second definition, number 1, it has taken 9 years to unschool myself. I am still in that process and it is painful. They say it really takes 9 months for a woman who has given birth to recover. "9 months to grow a baby, 9 months to recover from birthing that baby." I hope it does not take me 18 years to unschool my mind.

My children fit under the first definition, 1 and 2.

My children are living. They are serving. They are growing, but we are not schooling them. We are raising them. We are training them. And they, with all their God-given curiosities and passions, are devouring knowledge as quickly as they can. It's amazing to watch.  We learn in all sorts of ways, at all times, in all places. We read, we study, we write, we listen, we ask questions, we debate, but we are not robots drilling information that someone else decided my children had to know in order to be a functioning person. There's a reason the show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" was so popular. It was hysterical to watch adults flounder at information that if a 9 year old child does not regurgitate, he or she will fail! And yet, all of these adults were functioning, working, successful adults.

Government schools are a blessing to many people. They provide opportunities for not only jobs but also for children who cannot be at home for one reason or another. I had many amazing teachers who made a huge impact in my life and tons of fun experiences in those government schools. But I am so thankful, SO thankful to live in a country where that can be a last resort for my children. May that right never be taken away.

Shattered

One of the last meaningful conversations I had with my father took place about two weeks before he died. I was up late, as I was every night my senior year of high school, and my dad had gotten home from who knows where (he was always out on business as the owner of a law firm). He looked so weary. He looked sad, tired, troubled. I hate that look on anyone, but most of all at that age I hated it on my father. I adored him and when he was happy, everything felt right and secure.

"Daddy what's wrong?"

"Nothing sweetie-doodle, how was your day?"

"Fine. Daddy you look so sad. You can tell me you know, I'm not a baby." (ha)

I don't want to try and quote the rest of the talk because I know 13 years out I won't do it justice but he told me he was tired, that work was getting him down, that his heart felt heavy and out of place. He told me he wanted to be a pastor. I was so shocked by this admittance that I jumped up and said "Do it!!!" Now I can laugh at my juvenile behavior back then, as if my Dad could have just dumped his law firm and moved off to seminary with all the cases he managed and the four children he still supported. He smiled at my support and said, "maybe one day".

But less than two weeks later, his Pastor, Shepherd, and Savior was pastoring HIM. He was finally home.

Today I laid down on the couch, after depositing each kid in a separate room for a mandatory quiet time, and after thinking through several of the day's struggles and trials we are going through right now I felt that same look on my face that my Dad had that night so long ago. Suddenly it was like he was in the room. His memory was so strong it made my throat swell and I said in a whisper "Daddy, I miss you so much." I swallowed so I wouldn't cry but then just sighed. No wonder he looked so tired and sad...being a grown up is just miserable sometimes. In a way it made everything feel a lot more stable than ever before because there wasn't something horribly wrong for him to feel that way. I don't know why as I kid I felt like my world was so unstable any time he was upset. Now I can chuckle and even feel like my world is a lot more stable. He survived, well, I guess he didn't...forgive my morbid humor, but I suppose that's the best part. Being an adult DOES suck, it's hard, lonely, scary, and so ad-lib. But, we just keep putting one foot in front of the other because our release will come. In the mean time, I hope I can live with grace, love, joy, laughter, and wisdom to raise these boys God has entrusted to me so far. All of my childhood views of what adulthood would be like are long shattered and gone, but I think the reality that tries us and humbles us also makes us all the more able to serve and see our need for Christ.

Whom do you serve?

"Mama, were they the good guys or the bad guys?"

"What?" I asked. (more to give myself a chance to think than because I didn't hear him)

"Were they the good guys or the bad guys?"

The question came from my 8 year old son as we discussed two military groups who were at war with one another. One of the military groups happened to be that of the United States of America.

I paused as I felt the inner turmoil of the answer I knew I had heard numerous times and the answer I knew was correct because of my faith. I went with the latter.

"Son? Are you a sinner?"

"Yes."

"Are all men sinners?"

"Yes."

"Are all men wicked...bad?"

He paused thoughtfully..."yes".

"So which side is the 'good guys'?"

"Neither?"

"That's right, son. War is wicked. God alone has the right to wage justice on the wicked. He has given authority to government leaders to rule earthly kingdoms but that does not mean that war is ever good. All killing and all war is evidence of the effects of sin and of our fallen status before God. It should grieve us. But even further, the only just war is the war fought in immediate self defense."

This conversation took place the week leading up to Memorial Day. It really got me thinking and meditating on all the things I have learned since leaving my upbringing in the institutionalized schools of our country and learning to really ask questions and scrutinize our country and its claims. There are so many things to be thankful for in this country, so many things to be proud of and happy about...but there are also so many things to be worried about, grieved over, and angry about.

So as Memorial day drew close, I began to see the articles and the facebook pictures and statuses praising our fallen heros. Again I felt that tug between the phrases that had been implanted in me as a child in government schools and what I knew to be true according to God's Word. You know the phrases, "These men fought so we could be free." "Freedom isn't free." "He gave his life so you could enjoy yours." And on and on and on.

I would never question the amazing sacrifice a man or woman makes to leave their family to join the military.

I would never question the terror of a man or woman losing their life or their limbs/health in combat.

I would never question the bravery of a man or woman leaving home for another country, entering territories unknown to carry out missions too scary for my wildest dreams.

I do not question the heart and desire of a man or woman to defend their beloved country home and the thankfulness in their heart with which they do this. 

But my question is...did not Hitler's men do the same things? Hear me out. My son was once given a book about the WWII German battleship, The Bismark. He was so excited to read through it with my husband. The story went in depth to the men who gave their lives when the battleship was sunk and those who survived. The most riveting thing about the book was how...kind...how....honoroable...how...human...those men were. As I read it I felt sick. These men had families, they had lives they left behind, they fought with the same desire to protect the country they loved from the threats they were told existed. These men also did not know Hitler personally, nor did they have any idea about the concentration camps.

But fast forward to today and if you met a Nazi soldier would you not turn your face in horror? Does not the very word make you cringe?

All men are evil.

And this brings me to my concern. My son is hearing about war, sees our soldiers dressed in uniform and the praise given them and my question is...who do these men fight for? WHAT are they fighting for? Oh sure, we know what happened on Sept. 11, 2001, but everything since then has been a strange blur of information, misinformation, confusion, blame casting, lies...and it makes me wonder...how many of our wars are truly just?

"They are fighting for our freedom."

Which freedom?

Who is their leader? Is he honorable? Are his motives honorable? Who is he really? Who are we really? What are our leaders goals?

And, if he is not honorable, if his motives are not honorable, if his ambitions are not honorable...then what does that say about the lives of these men and women who are fighting for him, for his administration? Most of these men and women, even if we had a full blown Hitler situation going on, would not know it. They are given orders and they fulfill them to the best of their ability. They do it because it's their job, because they love their country, because they desire to keep us safe....

But what are we to believe as Christians? Whom do we serve? What is the meaning and purpose of our earthly life? To whom belongs glory and honor? Is it to the man who leaves behind his wife and children to care for themselves while he carries out the orders of a non Christian man in combat when he doesn't fully understand the true motives?

I don't know. I do not pretend to have the answers. But I am not afraid to ask the hard questions. And I am tired of being a robot that repeats things that everyone else repeats simply because it was drilled into me as a child. We have to think for ourselves with Holy Scripture and our Pastors as our guide. Because, my brothers and sisters in Christ, the darkness truly is deepening. Whom do we serve? To whom belongs the glory?