Genesis Hope

To my shepherd I'll be true.

Though he fill my cross's chalice,

I'll rest fully in His pleasure,

He stands in my sorrow near.

One day, surely, done my weeping,

Jesus' sun again will brighten.

To my Shepherd I'll be true.

-Johann Sebastian Bach

Sunday morning I was preparing my children and myself to leave for Divine Service and was praying for my unborn child. As I prayed and meditated on Christ I wondered what I would name the child if he or she goes home before birth. Without a moment's hesitation the name Genesis surfaced in my mind. Immediately afterwards I supplied Hope. From the beginning we have hope because in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. (John 1:1). 

So I named our child for his/her time in the womb, and if the child is brought to a healthy birth then we will rename our child for earthly life at the font of Holy Baptism. 

Today I received more good news about Genesis. Our little one's hcg levels rose from 137.9 to 445. We are excited, relieved, and thankful for one more day with our child here on earth and hopefully many more to come. 

But in all of this I am reminded all the more in my weakness, in my doubt, in my fear and grief and even anger, how very thankful I am that I need not look to the works or lack thereof of myself or those around me as my evidence for Christ and who He is. Because people and my own sinful self will always let me down. They are sinful through and through as I myself am, as all of us are.

Instead, in my suffering, I am so thankful I can look to a very physical and concrete manifestation of where Christ has promised to be. In His Body and Blood given and shed for me, He reminds me that my endurance is not a good work I must perform. Instead, it is a tender gift given by His own blood shed for us and poured out as a drink offering for our salvation and for our sustenance in this life. 

My Lord knows my suffering. As a dear friend lovingly pointed out: 6 times I have shed my blood for the children that grew and then died in my womb. But Jesus shed His blood for the sins of the entire world. And His blood was worth something because it was sinless: the atoning sacrifice. 

I do not have to muster up the ability to be who I think Christ or others want me to be. Christ alone unites Himself with me and creates in me a clean heart and renews a right spirit within me. Lord, restore unto me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with Thy free spirit. Amen.