As I was pushed through the hallway I thought back to all the episodes of "A Baby Story" that I watched on TV when I was pregnant with my first and second babies. I remember laughing pridefully at the chain reaction of interventions and shaking my head at all these "clueless" women as I prepared for my own unmedicated, non-intervention home births. I would scoff as they first agreed to an induction which then paved its way for an epidural when the unnatural pitocin contractions got too hard, which then led to failure to progress, which then led to either vacuum extraction, forceps, or even "worse": c-section. Those poor, uneducated women.
I blinked away the lights and the headache that pounded in my head as I struggled to come to terms with what was happening. But really, at this point, I was so tired and my body hurt so bad that I tried to remember all the reasons why a c-section was bad. Honestly the idea of falling asleep and waking up to a baby (which I know is not the usual way a c-section is performed) sounded fantastic. I decided to tell my doctor this when she arrived.
The nurses wheeled me into my second room of the day. It was small, L shaped, and the short part of the L was a little wing that held an empty hospital baby warmer for weighing and measuring the baby. "This is where you will meet your baby!" A nurse happily chirped. I looked at the crib and tried to feel something but a baby felt so far away. All I could feel was sick. I wondered for the millionth time that day if I was in the right place. If that headache would just go away I could think clearly. I knew I should be panicking and running from that place and hide in my own room until I felt better and could have the birth this baby deserved, at home. But when I tried to remember why this was so important I couldn't. All I wanted was to be taken care of and to sleep.
Nurses bustled about telling me about pitocin, narcotics I could receive through my IV to help with the pain, and how long it would probably take. The nurses left and I looked at my husband trying to figure out what was happening. Then, suddenly, my doctor came rushing in and sat on my bed. "Oh, I'm so glad you're here!" I said. "They're telling me I have preeclampisa but that doesn't make sense!" I lamented. She rolled her eyes and in a rush said, "You DO NOT have preeclampsia! The resident made that call without me, I don't know where everyone is getting this from. You had some protein in your urine and you blood pressure was high when you first arrived but that has gone way down now. I talked to Dr. so-and-so (my OB I worked with during all my miscarriages) and she agreed you do not have preeclampsia so we are going to keep you for 24 hours, collect your urine during that time to make certain we are correct, and give you a sleep aid to make you rest. Rest is what you really need right now. Then, tomorrow, we will see where we're at. OK?" I just stared blankly at her. "Wait, so we're not going to induce?" Suddenly I was very tired. "No, honey, you're not even 38 weeks yet." "I know, I responded, "but I have been having contractions that have taken my ability to sleep for the past five days. And now I'm sick and exhausted. I don't want this to continue. I want to go to sleep and wake up with a baby." She laughed and then studied me. Just a few weeks prior I had been to her office to submit to a platelet count and been very stubborn about refusing a GBS test, ultrasound, and any other things she tried to suggest for before delivery. She questioned my home birth decision after my previous births and I rolled my eyes and argued why home birth was still the best option. Now, here I was, pathetically begging for a c-section. I sighed as I felt the weight of sleep on my eyes and said, "I don't think I'll need that sleep aid." She smiled and said,"we're going to get you to a different room, you can order lunch, then you can decide if you want the sleep aid and then rest."
This time they let me ride in a wheel chair to the next room. This room was much smaller but cozy and quiet. The room looked over a courtyard and if you looked far to the right you could see the lake. I went to the restroom and snorted at the cooler that held the large jug for collecting all my urine. Nurses, they really have a fun job. For lunch I ordered a pepperoni pizza, some chocolate pudding, and an apple. Comfort food. I barely touched the pizza and gave the rest to my husband but I devoured the chocolate pudding. The apple was disgusting. Finally the Dr. came back in and my husband pushed me to get the sleep aid. I agreed hesitantly thinking this was the first drug/intervention that was actually happening and it sent that first wave of panic as I wondered how many others there would be.
She left to give the order to the nurse and told me she would be back to check on me the next day. It was getting close to evening and my husband and I agreed he should go home, check in on the kids and fix dinner as our church member babysitter left and the kids' uncle took over until Grandma and Grandpa could arrive. I felt good knowing he would give the kids some normalcy and comfort about what was going on. He was also going to pick up things like our toothbrushes, my hair brush, changes of clothes, etc. The nurse came in and gave me my sleep pill and then my husband said goodbye. I played on my phone until I started feeling sleepy then rolled over and tried to think through some sort of plan on hospital vs. home birth before my thoughts became confused and I slipped off to sleep.
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