A time to rejoice

There is a lady at my church that has had some interaction with me and my kids away from church. I adore her, she has been a huge blessing to me and my kids. Earlier this week I was caught off guard when talking with her and she said something to the effect of, "It's good to see you smile!" At first I was annoyed. She has spent many hours with me and my children over the past 8 months, many fun and joy-filled days with lots of laughter. Why would she act like she hasn't seen me smile? But as I spent more time pondering what she said, I realized that there was a few month gap between those happier times in the fall and when she spent more time with us again shortly after my recent miscarriage in January. The couple of times she came after that miscarriage I was neck deep in OB appointments, expensive labs to make sure we were doing everything in our power to care for our unborn "neighbors", and trying to discern what we were to do next. I was angry, exhausted, confused, and heart broken.

Today, while commenting on my growing belly, she again said, "You just look SO good. Your color is good, you just look so happy!" I smiled and said, "Thanks, I AM happy."

But later after thinking on it yet some more I realized what I wish I had said both times.

Her: "It's so good to see you smile!"

Me: "Thank you, it feels good to smile again. I know it always makes us happier to see people smile but I also know that my time of mourning and sadness was good and valuable too because God brought me to it. What God ordains is always best."

I was pondering this a lot with Holy Week and, today, with Easter. Easter today is filled with so much joy and laughter for us, but for the disciples and the women, it was like some unbelievable conspiracy come to life! A missing dead body, a strange figure with clothes like lightening sitting on rolled away stone after his in-coming presence quaked the earth, people after their lives while they hid in locked rooms only to have Christ show Himself, feed them, then walk through a wall! I have to imagine amidst the insanity and fear there was a crazy elation and overwhelming joy at what they hoped was coming true before their very eyes.

But faith is not evidenced in emotions.  Mourning is good. Rejoicing is good. But faith is not evidenced in them, it is evidenced in Christ's Body and Blood, in Baptism, in God's Word. I have faith, therefore I go to where God promises to be. Worry about me if I cease to go to God's house, not if I cry or am in a time of mourning. Do not think I do not have peace, or joy, or life, or abundant blessings if I don't smile or if I cry or if I weep. Think I do not have all those things if I cease to be where God has given us Himself. 

I AM happy right now. God has called me out of my time of mourning into a time of rejoicing. The sun is shining and has filled my skin with a radiant (sunburned? ;) glow. My fingers are dirty from sewing new life into the soil both in flower and vegetable form. God has lifted me up from the pit and allowed me to enter back into a time of rejoicing, thanks be to God!

The Contrast of Wisdom and Folly [1] A good name is better than precious ointment, and the day of death than the day of birth. [2] It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart. [3] Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad. [4] The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. [5] It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools. [6] For as the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fools; this also is vanity. [7] Surely oppression drives the wise into madness, and a bribe corrupts the heart. [8] Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. [13] Consider the work of God: who can make straight what he has made crooked? [14] In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him. (Ecclesiastes 7:1-14 ESV)